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Words of wisdom from grandchildren
Never trust a dog to watch over your food – Patrick, 10 When your dad is angry and asks, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him – Michael, 14 Never tell your mum her diet’s not working – Matthew, 14 Stay away from prunes – Billy, 9 Never pee on an electric fence – Robert,…
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Wishing you a Happy 2021 – and 10 things to ponder for 2020
1. The daftest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.2. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.3. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors.4. This morning I saw a neighbour talking to…
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Covid: a useful glossary of important terms
As we are on the cusp of a second lockdown, the following neologisms are entering common use to help us all through the pandemic. Coronacoaster The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”. Quarantinis Experimental…
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Notice in a French Church (translated)
To lighten the mood a little in these dark times. Note: as discussed at the February 2020 meeting, if you would like to receive email updates directly to your inbox for all articles as soon as they appear on the Scarborough 41 Club website please subscribe to the site. The subscription box is on the upper…
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The Green Thing
Checking out at the supermarket, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags were not good for the environment. The woman apologised to the young girl and explained, “We didn’t have this ‘green thing’ back in my earlier days.” The young cashier responded,…
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Seenager
I just discovered my age group!I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 to 70 years later.I don’t have to go to school or workI get an allowance every month.I have my own place to live.I don’t have a curfew.I have a driver’s license and my own car.I…
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Simon Says
A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year. How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he has to do it ten days, three times a day. Simon looks out the front of the chemist and sees a woman holding a bottle jumping…
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Chairman Simon’s Mirth Prescription
A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, ‘I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! They’ll…
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Chairman’s Reindeer Droppings
What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A pony play station What do you give a Reindeer with an upset stomach? Elk- a- seltzer What do you call a Reindeer with no eyes? No idea What do you call Reindeer with no legs and eyes? Still no idea What do you call a Reindeer with three…
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Piggy Fun Time from Mark
I was reading a book on pig anatomy the other day. It was all pretty standard until I got to the end. Then there was a twist in the tale. Did you hear about the pig with laryngitis? He was disgruntled. A pig invited me around to see his new home. I was surprised –…
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